i was just wondering

Well I'm sittin on the floor, and i don't really know why. i was sittin in the chair but i kept wantin to just slideee out of it so i finally did and i don't want to get back in it. i feel so like out of it. i don't care bout anything right now, it's weird. i think my latest wall is complete. and that makes me feel alright. i think i've been trying to be happy way too much lately. like not that i want to be sad it's just that i have to work so fuckin hard to be happy and i just don't feel like it anymore. ya know how ppl are always sayin it takes less muscles to smile than frown or whatever but it takes a whole lot less than that to just sit here, eh? i'm sick of emotions. i just want to completely slump onto my floor and sit here for a really long time... like maybe forever? i know this makes me weird and i know whoever reads this is gonna think i'm weird but that's the good thing about the walls, you just don't care. i feel like i've been tryin to make everything work out lately and now i realize that i just don't give a fuck. (i got back in the chair for now) i wonder what it would be like not to talk to anybody at school, i mean i don't wanna go anyways but since i have to i wonder if i just sat there the whole day, what would happen? it would be interesting, i would do a lot of listening. and what if i stopped tryin to make good grades? and what if i told my 'rents that i drink? and just stopped tryin to be good for them?what if i just totally didn't care? but with my walls i feel like i can pretend i'm happy and get by alright. it's better for everyone to think i'm happy and to be a good kid for my 'rents. as long as you don't care. so that's what i do. and since nobody has really ever spent the time to get to know me, like to just really let me be who i am without critizing me and making me feel bad for some stupid reason. (back on the floor) i bet you didn't even know i had walls. and i bet you don't know why i have them. i'm not positive that i know why, either. i think it has more to do with me than with what i've been through cause really i haven't been through a whole bunch. it'd just be nice for someone to want to get to know me, to care about me even though i'm so intense and weird. i expect a lot out of ppl, i know and nobody's wanted to stick with me through my mistakes yet. (back to the chair) i can understand why someone wouldn't want to work at a relationship, tho cause didn't i just have some big thing about not wantin to work to be happy. i guess it's just easier for ppl to walk away. man this is probably goin to change your whole like lil image of me but now you know a little bit about me. so have a super day!